Incidents of Racism at UC Berkeley: Testimony of Jocelyn Smith

Hi, my name is Jocelyn Smith. I go to Oakland Tech. I’m a senior this year. I am in the process of applying to UC Berkeley, and just this afternoon I was going over my personal statement. I remember one of the questions on this year’s personal essay was, “What do you feel you will bring to the campus? How will you take advantage of your educational opportunities laid before you.”

And I couldn't write anything because I felt I’d be lying. The reason I felt I’d be lying is because I spent a lot of time on this campus. I want to say things like, “University, UC Berkeley, the diverse place, is the place I want to spend my undergrad years because I feel I will be welcomed. I feel that I will thrive there.”

But, I don't feel it here. And the reason why I don't feel it here is because of a recent experience I had on campus. I was part of the outreach program on campus. It was for black students that came out of Oak¬land and the LA area. Like the guy that represented the black graduate group said about the poet he talked about, I could only remember two specific things out of this event, even though I remember having a lot of fun. But I can only remember two specific events out of that experience.

One experience that I had was when we first got to the program. I remember being the first one to arrive. The forerunners of the program handed me a packet with a map of UC Berkeley, of course, so I could get around, and handed me a survey. The survey shocked me because -- well, first of all, let me tell you this.

The workshop is supposed to focus on things like -- okay, the packet that I got with the program said “Bring your personal statement, bring your transcript,” because these will be the focus of the outreach program; but they were not.

I spent like my whole vacation not being on vacation because I was worried about my personal statement and worried about getting my transcript, even though I wasn't at school. I got my personal statement and transcript along, I brought my statement and transcript along with me, of course.

When I looked at the survey, all the questions were about instances of racism that I might have faced. Like a typical survey question might be, “Have you ever been in a store and someone followed you because you might steal something? How did you react in the store?”

I mean, the first thing that popped in my head was, “Why would they be asking me this?” I spent all this time on this stupid, personal statement, and spent all this time getting my stupid transcript, which of course, had all A’s and B’s, of course. “Why did I spend all this time for this just to see this stupid sur¬vey? Are they going to talk about the racism we’re going to face on this campus?” And they did.

They said, “You’re the cream of the crop. If you apply here, you’ll be the few black students on campus, and you might have to deal with issues A, B, and C. How will you react? You must react in a way that will not look bad for the community.”

I pondered this, and I thought, “Why should I have to represent my entire community? Why can't I just go to school and focus on getting out of what I’m in right now? Why can’t I just go to school and not have to worry how everyone is going to look at me, and how everyone is going to think? ‘This girl repre¬sents the entire black race, and she looks really stupid, so they must be really stupid.”

But that’s besides the point. The second experience I want to bring up is just eating lunch at Crossroads. As part of the program we had our meals at Crossroads. I was kind of excited because I had never been to Crossroads before and I thought it would be an interesting experience, and it was; it truly was.

The first thing I noticed upon walking into Crossroads was the segregation. Students that were black, the few students that were in there, sat together at one table. And then white students sat together at other tables. And Asian American students sat together.

On first instinct, one would think, “Okay, they're sitting with their friends. But why does everyone’s friends look like them.” It’s kind of disturbing. It’s like -- it just took me back to a time when I went to middle school, and I was one of the lucky ones, because I went to an all-girls middle school, and how I was only one of ten, out of the whole class at the all-girls school. And we would sit together at lunch, the black students would sit together at lunch. And the teachers would come to us and say, “Why aren't you sitting with them, why aren't you sitting with everybody else? Spread out, desegregate.” Like it was our fault.

But I tried this on the first day, I really did. I made an effort, me and my sister. We were the only two. We knew each other, and nobody else at school. But when we had our lunches on the first day, we were going to the table with white students, walking towards the table, and we get “the look.”

Everybody knows what “the look” is. “The look” is, “Where on earth are you coming from? Why are you sitting at our table? What are you?” It’s sick. It’s like you feel like you’re an alien from another planet. You feel like you’re from France, or something, like you don't speak English, like you’re not a human being.

And you walk away. You walk away feeling rejected, like you don't belong, and it hurts. And I thought since I was going to UC Berkeley, the top institution in the world, the number one public university, that it would be different. But it's not. And it’s sick. It makes me not even want to come. It makes a lot of students not want to come.

I talked to my friends who are in the process of applying to colleges with me and they say, “I’m not going to UC Berkeley. I’m black, I’m not smart enough, my GPA isn't high enough, my SAT score isn't high enough, why do I want to go there? There wouldn't be no black students to go with me.”

But it doesn't exactly deter me. But I know that if I went, or if I get an acceptance letter to UC Berkeley, there will be a sense of dread, because of the testimony of people I heard who already go here. The stares you get when you’re in class; the way you raised your hand in class, and nobody called on you because it’s a hot issue.

Just going into that lunchroom and holding my lunch, looking around, I looked to the black students who I already know, and I sit with them because I know it's the status quo, and if I even approach another table, where I don't look like them, then I’ll get “the look,” and I’ll once again feel rejected, and I’ll feel like nothing, and I’ll have to walk away; or I’ll have to challenge everything, and still be looked on as weird, or something.

So there is definitely a hostile environment on this campus. And if someone like me, who doesn't even go here can feel it, then there must be something going on, something that needs to be changed. And that is not right. Thank you.